I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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