the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
