she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
