I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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