this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
