All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
