i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
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She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
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I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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