i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Drunk walkin through police station. America
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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