my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
