Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
