Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
