Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something