Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
He melted the stem
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me