Old men and throwing up are my life now.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
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I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
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It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier