Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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