Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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