A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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