dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
