Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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