So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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