WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
