he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
