We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
