i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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