Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
