I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
