Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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