there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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