why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
