I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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