I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
