I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
