Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
