She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
