pedialite and red bull = repair kit
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
