I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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