Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
It's rum buckets o'clock
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
