I puked a lego.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
When are your genitals available?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
