hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
