You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
