69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
