At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
