The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize