I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
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found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
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I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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