It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
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Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
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Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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