I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
