People in love make me want to vomit
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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