are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize