Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
