I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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