me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
