And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
