Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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