I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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