i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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