There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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