If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
