I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
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I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
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I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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