I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
