When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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