My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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