the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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