A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
How's work?
Spinning.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
